Relationships Defined

Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

In the recent movie 'Into the Wild', based on a true story about a man's search for truth, the main character Chris McCandless (aka Alexander Supertramp) scribbles down his biggest life lesson not long before he dies: "happiness is only real when shared".

It is a poignant and powerful moment.

But how do we find our own individual happiness whilst also finding happiness with another? How do we balance being true to ourselves whilst also being in a relationship? When does independence become selfishness? Finding the middle ground become too much compromise? Debate become argument?

There are no simple answers to such questions.

I believe that having a healthy relationship involves creating synergy. Synergy is 'the interaction of two or more agents so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects'. Creating synergy is no easy task. And it often takes a lifetime of practice and fine-tuning.

Relationships break down or experience problems for many, many reasons. Relationship difficulties are one of the most distressing things that we can go through.

Right now you may be having problems in your relationship. You may know your relationship isn't working, but don't know what to do about it. You may have recently broken up with your partner. You may want to learn new ways to communicate. You may realise that a certain pattern keeps repeating itself in your relationship, and you want to change it.

• relationship crises
• relationship break-ups
• patterns of anger and conflict
• abusive behaviour
• communication issues
• trust and commitment problems
• sexuality issues

Whatever is going on in your relationship, the best way to resolve the issues is to start taking action. I counsel individuals and couples, and also work with same-sex couples. I welcome any enquires about relationship issues, and you can book an appointment by calling or emailing me.